Fat like me
by shoesrluv
Summary: Gabriella has a problem. It almost kills her. Who will help her? Save her life? Who will say those words she has been dieing to here her whole life? Troyella
1. Intro

Fat like me

She wasn't fat

"_Shar! This makes me look fat!"_

She wasn't ugly

"_Ugh. I need make-up.NOW!"_

and she wasn't stupid.

" _God. I can NEVER GET THIS! I'M SO STUPID!"_

She's hiding something.

"_Gabi? Is that you?"_

But what is it?

"_Dude, are you gonna eat?"_

Can someone help her before its too late?

"_I've never seen this bad of a case…." _

Or will she push everyone away?

"_You'll never know! You'll never know what its like to be fat like me!"_

_The mirror says I'm lying. I'm not as pretty as I think. I'm one big monster. A useless monster. I always felt so fat. Food was my enemy. What nourishes me, also destroys me. I am starved and curveless. I am skin and bones. My fingers are cold to the touch, and my hair has lost its beauty. My eyes, once opening and happy, are dull brown. My heart beats faster than normal. My mind races. _

_I'm not your average teenage girl. I have a problem. A big one. It has nearly killed me. It has made me weak. I cannot trust myself. I can't believe what I have become. It goes deep. Deeper than I will ever imagine. _

_But I ask you would you find it in your heart to make this go away and let me rest in pieces? I just need help. I need those three words. I'll stop once I've heard them. And know they're true. But may I ask, Is it so hard to tell the truth? Do not lie. Do not have pity for me. I want the truth. I need the truth. I don't care if it will break my already weakened heart. I need the truth. _

_The truth is that I'm fat. That I'm not pretty. My mind tells me everyday. My mirror shows me everyday. I hear it everyday. For this is the truth I've been longing to hear. I am not prefect. I'm far from it. You have a choice to make, do you want to be "Normal" and overweight like the rest of the world? Or do you want to be unique and be that girl every overweight person wants to be? I want to be that super skinny, pretty girl everyone wants to be. _

"I'm Gabriella Montez and this is my story."

AN: Ok. I said I was going to update I'll cover you. I lied. Something that came to thought. Don't know if it will stick around or not. But I don't know. Enjoy.


	2. The Curse Of Curves

_I always want to be the prettiest and the skinniest. The prettiest I can't always control-the skinniest I can._

Have you ever noticed, that there will always be someone that is better than you? The girl who beats you in a sprint race. The girl that always has her arms around that guy you've been crushing on. The girl who is the same size as you, but looks better in those new silver jeans you just wasted your money on. Everyone has a person. Mine just happens to be my best friend.

Sharpay Evans. I've known her for 3 years. We've been best friends for 3 years. I've told her everything. She knows about my dad, and why I used to cut myself. She knows about my crush, and what I really think about Troy Bolton. What she doesn't know is that I envy her.

Her and I wear the same size, but she always looks better than me. She doesn't have to do anything. Her shirts never cling to her sides. Her jeans hang loosely on her thighs. Her wrists are so skinny that her bracelets slide up and down. When she smiles, she doesn't have stupid dimples. She's just all over prefect.

But that's not all that drove me into insanity. I partly blame my mother for this. She has called me fat before, but soon took it back when she saw my eyes.

They say, if you feel fat never look in the mirror. Your eyes always lie. But that's what I'm currently doing. Staring at my body. My eyes running over every curve on my body. Tracing my cold bony fingers across my ribs. Why can't everyone be equal? It kills me to see those size 2 models while I'm a size 7. I see my not so flat stomach and gag. It's gotten worse. It looks like someone stuffed a pillow inside my stomach.

_'Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down_

My thoughts were long forgotten when my cell phone started ringing.

"Hey Troy." I spoke into the small phone.

"Gabi, I'm outside. Hurry up or we'll be late for school." He spoke calmly into the phone. His voice was so beautiful.

"Okay. I'll be out in a sec. I gotta get dressed." I said as I hung up the phone and pulled on my jeans and threw on a tank top. This is how it was every morning. But today was different. It was senior year.

"Bye mami!" I called through the house.

"See you later sweety."

I saw Troy sitting on the hood of his car as I made my way over to the car. I noticed him eye me up and down. I knew I shouldn't of worn this shirt. I look so fat.

"Now we're gonna have to rush at Denny's. Thanks Gabriella." Troy said as he slid off the car and walked to the door. " You know how much I hate rushing" he said as he climbed into the car.

"I'm sorry. I got caught up on something's." I said as he started the car. I looked over at him noticing his smirk.

"Well, you get to buy today."

"What!? Troy I didn't bring any money. You never told me!"

"Gabi chill! I was kidding" He said as he chuckled.

"Sure you were." I mumbled.

The rest of the car ride was silent besides the purr of the engine and Troy's quiet humming. It's always a wonder why there are always so many people up at 6:30 in the morning. Every time we go to Denny's, the service is slow. But I love going there. It's special. Troy turned right and parked near the front of the building. I threw my junk into the backseat and got out.

"You know," Troy said as he lazily threw an arm over my shoulders, "I could never forget about doing this. I'm with my best-friend, I get to eat the cheapest breakfast in town, and this is senior year!"

I looked up at him. He was so weird at times. His eyes were so blue, he is so beautiful. He is prefect. But he'll never like you Gabriella. Because your fat.

WAIT! Where did that come from? Jezz, you can't keep thinking about yourself this way. Your gonna--

"GABI! Water or hot-chocolate?"

"Water's good." I said as I glanced at the menu. When did they start putting calorie counters on the menu? " Troy, there are 400 calories in their Belgium Waffles. Jezz" I said with bug eyes. I always got the waffles. Everything on the menu was over 200 calories. Wow, was all I could think.

"So? You always get them," he said as looked over the menu. Which I have no clue why he does. He gets the same thing every time, "What's different about today?"

I just shrugged my shoulders. A lot was different. My best friend always looks prettier than me. Troy thinks I'm fat. And I'm not prefect. Like all of my other friends.

"Whatever you say," he said as he set the menu down. His blue eyes were drilling holes into my menu. " You gonna tell me what's on your mind?"

Thankfully the waitress came and took our orders.

" The usual," was all Troy said.

"And you miss?" the waitress said with a thick southern accent. " The usual?"

"NO!" I practically jumped out of my seat and ran when I got the thought of eating something with 400 calories. " Um, I'll take a fruit salad."

"Okay. That shall be right out with you," she said as she walked away.

"Gabi, You sure you okay?" Troy asked, as he looked at me weird.

"Positive." Boy was I wrong.

I looked around at the 7 other people that sat in the room with me. All of them looked sick. Ready to die. Pale with thin hair. Translucent skin with bones sticking out all over their fragile bodies. Their eyes looked bruised and sad, like a monster was inside of them. Trying to kill them. Making themselves want to die. It all looked so fake. Like a movie.

"Good Gabriella. Very good. Now can you tell me what this flashback means?" I looked over at the doctor. He was so chubby. It made me sick. His gray hair and his dark eyes. His cheeks were so big. His arms jiggled as he spoke with them. I gag as the image rolled through my head. " Can you?"

" I think I started to see that I had a problem. But I don't really. I am fat." He shook his head at my comment. " You don't understand. When I look at myself compared to everyone, I'm fat and ugly." Again he shook his head, " Yes Doctor. I am fat. No one ever tells me. But I know it's the truth. The mirror never lies." I said as I pointed to the mirror with my skinny finger.

"Gabriella. Are you hurting?" the girl who sat next to me asked. She was prefect. Her hips were small, so was her stomach. She was prefect.

I shook my head. I wasn't hurting, I was just fat.

AN: Ok. Here is chapter one. Its lame. At the end she's in rehab. It's going to bounce around like that a lot and I don't know if I'm going to tell you when she is or not. So pretty much everything is flashbacks. But I don't think I'm gonna update for awhile. I need to do some research about this, but I'll try to do the best I can. But enjoy.

Peace and Chicken.


	3. Perfect

_Perfection in her eyes  
is impossible to find  
Mirror holding a painful truth  
Distorted in her mind_

It kills me to walk down these halls every year to see one thing I don't like. That girl that has become skinny. So skinny that every guy turns their heads when she walks by, and so _prefect that_ even my best friends can't stop talking about how beautiful she looks.

But what is prefect? In my eyes, it's where you have skinny legs. Your arms don't jiggle when you talk. You chin does look as if there's 14 of them when you talk. Your stomach is flat and you don't have love handles. This is what every girl looks like in my school. Every girl but me. And why is that? It's because I'm fat.

Speak of the devil. Here comes Sharpay. Only she could pull off the short shorts with the tank top. Every year. Her legs were so slim and her stomach. Flat. No love handles. _She _was the definition of prefect. Why did I always look so bad compared to my friend? Why do I feel like I need to loose to win?

"Gabs, I got to head to my locker but I'll see you later." Troy said.

" 'Kay, whatever" I mumbled as I made my way towards Sharpay.

"Gabby! You look great," shrieked Sharpay when she finally saw me. Soon she engulfed me in a hug.

"Sure I do"

" Jezz Shar! Let me breathe!" She let go of me and I gave her a once over, " I love your shirt." That's all I could say. I didn't want the truth to come out. Not to my best friend.

" Thanks, I got it in Paris last week," she said as we began walking to homeroom, " So how are my boys?" Her boys were Zeke, Zeke, and Zeke. Her boyfriend.

" Good?" I said with a confused look, " I didn't do what you wanted me to do. Sorry." I refused to stalk her boyfriend over the summer while she was traveling around the world. I had better things to do.

" O. Well, that's okay I guess. So what ya doing after school?" She questioned as we walked into homeroom.

"Don't know yet." I said as I looked at the seating chart. Forth row over fifth seat back. Right next to Sharpay and Troy.

" We should totally go to the mall." She said as she set her stuff down and sat in the seat.

" I'll call my mom during lunch." I said as I looked up and saw troy walking through the door just as the bell rang.

"Give me the schedule." Troy said with a huff as he sat down.

I handed him mine and Sharpay passed hers over.

" We have gym, lunch and English together Gabs. Sharpay, we've got lunch, science, and math together." He said as he passed them back. I hated having gym with Troy. He made everything look so easy, but when you can barely walk, gym is difficult.

"Joy." I said as I took out a notebook to start taking notes on what Mrs. Darbus was about to spit all over the front row. Thank god I didn't have that seat this year. Last year, Troy and I, were busy in a conversation to hear the bell ring and to hear Mrs. Darbus start nagging about cell phones. She screamed out my name and I was stuck up front for the rest you the year. I had to wear a raincoat if I wanted my hair to look okay when I walked out of her classroom. But this was my last year with her. Thank god. That woman makes grown men cry.

But enough about her. This was my senior year and it shouldn't be wasted on thoughts about my crazy homeroom teacher. I should be thinking about ways that I could loose weight. Yeah, I sound crazy but I need to.

Everyone looked great. Everyone besides me. I seem to be the only one that gains weight over the summer. I never loose. I never loose during the school year either. It just sticks with me and I keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger. It never stops. Soon I'll be the fattest girl in the world. Not that I'm not already.

"Gabs! The bell rang. Come on." Troy pushed me out of my seat and started to walk away. Jezz. I was thinking the whole homeroom period?

"So your off to gym huh?" Sharpay asked as I walked out into the hallway and saw her standing by the door.

"Yup. But I'll see you at lunch 'Kay?"

"Yup." She answered and walked away. I was stuck walking to gym all by myself.

I swung open the locker room door and was hit in the face with the smell I have grown to love. The smell of sweat and 1,000 different types of perfume mixed together. It could make you pass out it was so strong.

I found my gym locker and rolled my combo into the lock and got out my shoes socks a shirt and some shorts. I threw all my clothes on fast before anyone could see my body and ran out to the gym. There was Troy. Standing with a prefect girl.

" Hey Gabby! Meet Jamie. She's new and from New York." Troy said as he passed a random basketball to Chad.

"Hey, I'm Gabriella but you can call me Gabby." I said as I stuck my hand out.

"Jamie" The petite girl said as she played with her hair. Her prefect tanned, skinny legs, tanned arms, her stomach. Everything. Here was the girl under the definition of prefect.

And Troy couldn't keep his eyes off her.

Rehab

_ANOREXIC PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT Food can cause many physical and mental health problems. Physical side effects associated with food are high blood pressure, high blood sugar, heart problems, and the most serious of all, FATNESS!!!!!! If the food consumption and FATNESS are ignored, it turns to OBESITY!!!!! FATNESS is a TURNOFF to EVERYONE around you!!!! Being FAT makes you UGLY! NO ONE LIKES A FAT UGLY SLOPPY BITCH!!! AND IF YOU ARE -FAT- NO ONE WILL LIKE -YOU-!!!!! If no one likes you, you get LONELY and DEPRESSED!!! See how much trouble FOOD causes? Say NO to the most common street drug, FOOD!!! If you have eaten today, YOU ARE FAT!!!!_

I woke up screaming. This was the third time I've seen this in a dream of mine. But the first in rehab. I don't understand why this was happening. Yeah, at dinner I did try to eat that piece of nasty pizza they were serving and for lunch I did have a few carrots. But that doesn't mean I'm fat right?

I haven't eaten in weeks before today. I cannot possibly be fat.

_No you are. Your weak, your fat. You can't keep doing this. You going to over-eat and get super fat and die. All because you're fat._

Over and over again that was playing in my head. But what does it mean? Does it mean that I should stop eating forever and hope that I look like Sharpay or Jamie? Or does it mean that I need to get rid of all of it?

I got out of the itchy cotton bed and walked out to the bathrooms. Here, we weren't allowed to have our own bathroom until we got to level 6. I'm on level 2.

Looking around seeing no one I entered the small bathroom and saw no one in there. But one thing I did want to see. A mirror.

Perching myself on top of the sink I took of my shirt and gagged. My god. The rolls. They're disgusting. So many of them. I've worked so hard for the look I had two months ago. And now it's gone.

Tears brimming my eyes I got off the sink and started at my face. Dark black circles under my eyes, thin hair, weak eyes. I looked disgusting.

"You've ruined everything. You gave in. You're weak," I whispered fiercely. The eyes in the mirror filled with tears. I looked away from her, allowing her the space to cry. My eyes fell on the red door to the handicapped stall of the stark bathroom. I walked slowly toward it, wiping my eyes on my sleeve. I took a fateful step into that stall, and tumbled down the rabbit hole.

I was doing better. I've gained. Until tonight at 2:37 AM.

AN: I really should be doing homework but because I love you so much I wrote :]. I've got finals coming up soon so I have no idea how much I'm going to be updating. But I'll try. Enjoy.

Peace and Chicken.


	4. Sick Inside

_People don't see me._

_No one sees me._

_It's like being fat._

_No one takes you seriously._

_You just don't exist-you're so big,_

_You're not even there._

Seeing Troy stare at her, as if she was a piece of meat made me uncomfortable. This girl was his ideal girlfriend. She was far skinnier than I ever will be. She's got a perfect face. A perfect waist. Everything. Was. Perfect.

She's everything I've ever wanted to be. The girl no one could keep their eyes off. So skinny, I'm pretty sure she wears a double zero at the most. The girl who could do nothing and still be _perfect_.

There's that word again. My last definition for it was Sharpay. But she's nothing compared to Jamie. She even looks huge next to her. I'm pretty sure Sharpay would be jealous of her too.

"Troy, I'll see you around I guess." But he wasn't listening, of course. He was too busy with Jamie.

"GABS!" that would be Chad calling for me. He has East High's biggest mouth and hair. He is the boy version of Sharpay.

"What's up?" I asked as I jogged over to him. He was busy playing basketball with a 9th grader. Showing him some rules.

" How was your summer?" He asked as he took the ball, and shooed the freshman away.

" It was okay I guess." I don't understand why he asked me this. I only worked with him for 3 months. But I knew he was just trying to get my mind off of Troy. He also knows.

" Just ignore them. He's been so busy trying to get his mind off of you know what. He probably doesn't even realize what he's doing." Chad looked down at me, " It's been tough for him. This summer was the worst." He started dribbling the ball and made a shot. The net made a simple _swoosh._ I just rolled my eyes. " Don't be jealous Gabby." He said as he nudged me with his elbow. "You wish you had hoops like me."

" Whatever Chad." The coach just walked out of his office after I said that.

" Alright class. I've got a lot of paper work so you can do whatever you want today. Tomorrow we'll start our volleyball unit." And with that he walked back into his office.

That fruit bowl that I got this morning was starting to come on me. Even if it was fruit, it came from a fast food place. It at least 150 calories in it. That's not right. My stomach was regretting eating it. Or was it me?

" Hey Chad I'm gonna go jog for a bit. I'll talk to you after class I guess."

" Okay."

Steady speed. Right foot, left foot. Right foot, left foot. I still couldn't get that feeling out of my stomach. I was so dizzy, and I was sweating but cold at the same time. It wasn't agreeing with my stomach. Or my head.

I turned on my heel and ran straight towards the girl's locker room. Pushing the door open, and sprinting to the back of the locker room, I found a stall with a door or it, push the lock shut and knelt down.

2 minutes of hell. The gagging and the tears. My throat hurts like hell, and my mouth taste like acid. My fingers are dripping with spit. My stomach feels like everything was pushed to the bottom. That empty feeling. It felt good.

I couldn't decide if it was because my stomach or because I felt bad. Which ever way, I knew nothing good would come of it.

I started to wipe my eyes and got up. The toilet next to mine flushed. Shit did someone hear that? No ones there, you would have heard them. Duh. But the stall door unlocks and heels click against the tiles. Pink heels.

No way in hell I got so caught up in that, that I didn't notice _her_ come in. she would have said something. She's my best friend. The sink turned off and the heels continued until they disappeared. I unlocked mine and left.

I looked in the mirror.

You look like shit Gabriella. Down right shitty. Nothing but shit on the bottom of a shoe. Fat and shitty. That's all you'll ever be.

Rehab.

"Gabriella, you are obviously in a lot of pain. Why don't you try using your voice instead of your body to tell me that you are hurting, to tell me what you need?"

These stupid doctors don't understand anything. I'm not hurting not at all. I'm becoming _prefect_. Like all of those stupid girls in my school. Stupid ugly bitches that made me want to look like them.

But to me, they're still better than me. Still every girl every guy wants.

I've been hooked up to these damn machines for weeks. Nasty shit pumps through the tubes, feeding me.

But I don't want to be feed.

"I want you to stop feeding me now. Your making me fat."

"No Gabriella. It's not making you fat. It's making you healthy."

" Healthy my ass." I started ripping the tubes and the IVs out of my arm. I didn't hear the doctors telling me to stop. I didn't feel them trying to pin my down. I didn't feel them sticking my arm. Putting me to rest. I didn't feel pain.

There was no pain in this. Everyone keeps telling me that they're in pain. They keep asking me if I'm in pain.

I'm not in pain.

It feels good.

AN: ok so I had finals last week that's why I haven't updated. This chapter sucks. But whatever. I'm off to do math homework.

Peace and Chicken.


End file.
